Serenade

Chestnahts roastin’ on an open firee, Jack frost nipping, through thee airs, and blah blaah blah blah blah da daaa merry christmahs toooo yooouuuu…do do do…do do do…do do do, do dooooo

Interview with Montell Williams

When I got the memo that I’m scheduled to interview Montell Williams, my stomach did flips in turns like the countless numbers of unborn babies who lost hope of finding their fathers thanks to the man himself. Still, he’s a living legend and I’m not giving up the opportunity. 

The limo passed the wealthy “OC” area, passed the big mansions, and then passed dumb ass Shaq. I asked the driver if we took a wrong turn but he insisted that Montell “don’t do the celeb thing”. Never the less I was still thrilled as we rode through run down housing and into a dirt driveway where a shirtless Montell stood waiting holding what looked like a black and mild cigar.

K: I see you like the shades down, any reason for the dim lighting is beautiful outside

MW: Ain’t nothing beautiful around here

I’m finding it hard to breath and clear my throat a couple of times. He offers me a glass of brandy and I accept. Who wouldn’t want to drink with Montell? I look around the room and notice walls decorated with letters.

K: You hang up your fan mail?

MW: Letters from all those mother******* thanking me for saving them from child support

I laugh, but he doesn’t

MW: That’s the problem with your generation, you think these things are funny but these kids will never find their father because of my job and your entertainment.

I apologize

MW: I’m ****ing with you

A sense of relief comes over me, Montell is the real deal

K: Any new endeavors? I haven’t heard much about you, I know Ricki Lake’s back in the game.

MW: Ricki Lake’s my puppet, you’ll see in two months. Ya’ll think everythings real on tv but you gotta’ understand what’s going on behind the scenes. The gamechangers lay low. 

K: So you’re telling me you’re controlling celebrities?

MW: Not all of them

K: Who?

MW: Stevie Wonder, Tony Hawk, Bruce Willis and Ray J. Brandy wasn’t worth it.

K: Stevie Wonder? Impossible

MW: Yes sir, I control that smiling.

I start to feel groggy. My mouth tightens and begins to water. My vision gets blurry. Either Montell roofied me oorfjnj;kllllllllllm 

 

MW12/12/13

 

VISUALS FO YO AYASS